sorry

comments 2
all about me / ocd

By the way, I have been featured as a guest blogger on http://www.diaryofanocd.wordpress.com. Find me here: http://diaryofanocd.wordpress.com/guest-blogging/maria-this-is-my-ocd-tell-me-yours/

My dad gave me a lift to work. “I’m sorry,” I said, as I closed the door. “What for?” asked dad, doing driverly things. “I’m not sure. Being a bit late? Making you go ever so slightly out of your way? I don’t know, but I’m sorry.” “That’s all right,” said dad as he drove along.

Silence.

“I’m sorry,” I piped up again. “That’s all right,” he soothed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” came tumbling out. “Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry.” “Stop saying ‘sorry’,” dad ordered. “Ok. Sorry. For saying sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m sorry, sorry. Sorry.”

Sideways glance from father to yours truly. “Are you all right?” he eventually asked.

“Yes. Except I’m sorry.”

“I know you’re sorry,” he said, all reassuring like.

“No!” I almost shouted. “You don’t know! You have no idea of how sorry I am, and how deep the sorriness goes! I’m very sorry! I’m very very very sorry!” I believe I did something courageous and spirited at the point, like bursting into tears.

“So-oo-orrrr-yyyy,” I heaved, between sobs.

“Maybe saying ‘sorry’ is a new obsession,” mused dad brightly, as I sat next to him, thick sorries bubbling up every now and then.

It’s happened since. I just apologise profusely. Sometimes I’ll ring my dad at work to say sorry. I’m just sorry. And I’m not sure why.

Last night was my support group night, and the topic was “have you let anyone down?” Apparently, everyone was filled the spirit of Gloria Gaynor, and all agreed that they are what they are. “The only person you can let down is yourself,” some sage said, and there was a collective murmuring and nodding of heads. Except mine.

I’ve let everyone down.

I’m sorry I’m 30 and I still live at home. I’m sorry I can’t do my job. I’m sorry I fall asleep all the time. I’m sorry for everything.

I’m sorry.

The Author

Hello! I'm Brigid. I live in London and work in a primary school. My ambition is to be a children's author and illustrator. I also like listening to 80s music and dancing like a loon. My heart dances to vintage dresses, mini coopers, brass bands and hula hoops. Proud owner of goldfish and a pink ukulele. This blog is a mishmash of my general life. I hope you enjoy it.

2 Comments

  1. Oh wow this one hit home. I used to do this. I used to be sorry for my whole life. I said it constantly. People would tell me off for saying sorry too much so I’d say sorry for saying sorry. Slowly I somehow stopped. I think the meds helped. Learning that I was useful and appreciated helped more I think.

    • Aw, I say sorry for saying sorry too! We really shouldn’t be. I’ll check your blog out. Thanks for commenting c

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